


Confessions

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-03 17:36:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14574093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Tommy makes a drunken confession in a bar, which Barbara overhears...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

“The problem is I just can’t find the courage to tell her that I love her.”

“Excuse me?”

“We’ve been in each other’s lives for more years than I can count, and I can tell her anything and everything, except this.”

“Look, I’m not sure who you think I am…”

“She’s beautiful you see, not that she thinks so, in fact she’d probably either laugh at me or insult me if I tried to tell her, but she’s gorgeous. She’s got these captivating eyes, as bright as the most exquisite emeralds, and every time she looks at me I want to drown in them.”

“I came here for a quiet drink.”

“She acts as if she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her, but I know she does. I know it hurts her when people insult her or underestimate her, I can see the pain in her eyes. I want to kill each and every one of them with my bare hands.”

“I’m sure she finds that very attractive.”

“She’d do the same for me. In fact, she’d probably go much further. She’s risked her career for me, taken a bullet, been held hostage. She’s braver than she gives herself credit for.”

“So why can’t you tell her how you feel about her?”

“Because she’d laugh. Because she’d never believe me. I’m not her type.”

“She risked her career for you, not many people would do that if they didn’t care.”

“Oh, she cares, just not enough to see past my title and my money to love me as much as I love her.”

“Have you asked her?”

“No, he hasn’t.”

“Barbara?”

“And that’s my cue to leave.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Right. So, you can tell a complete stranger that you love me, but you can’t tell me.”

“What would be the point?”

“Have you thought that maybe I have feelings for you too?”

“I know you do, but not the same as the ones I have for you, which is okay, I completely understand. Having you in my life as my friend is more than I deserve, more than I could have wished for.”

“Oh please. Stop with the drunken sanctimonious self-pity and grow up! And don’t look at me as if I’ve slapped you.”

“I’m not!”

“God give me strength. Right, come on, it’s time I got you home…”

I cracked open one eye and then immediately regretted it as my head felt as if it was being cleaved in two with an axe.

“Good, you’re finally awake. I was beginning to worry that I’d need to call an ambulance.”

I sat up quickly, groaning as my body immediately made me pay for my enthusiasm.

“Barbara? What are you doing here?”

She handed me a glass of water and two paracetamol. “Making sure that you didn’t choke on your vomit during the night.”

“Ugh, thanks for the mental image. What the hell were we drinking last night?”

“I wasn’t drinking anything. You, however, drank enough for both of us.”

“Why weren’t you drinking?”

“I didn’t get there until after you were well and truly marinated, I had an appointment after work, remember?”

“I don’t remember anything much to be honest.”

“That’s probably a good thing, under the circumstances.”

I downed the paracetamol and water, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. Forget it.”

“No, I won’t forget it. Did I do something or say something to offend or upset you?”

“Well, you made a new friend at the bar.”

“And?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

“You decided to have a rather revealing heart to heart with a stranger.”

“What did I say?”

“Oh no, that would be far too easy. I’ll let that come back to you in its own time. Now, if you’ve got everything you need I’ll get off home.”

“You can’t just leave me hanging.”

“I can, and I will. Have a good weekend and I’ll see you on Monday Sir.”

As the door closed behind her I sank back against the pillows, my pulse racing and worry flooding my veins. Barbara seemed a little irritated with me, and I didn’t think it was just the lack of sleep. I needed to remember what had happened, and I had to hope I could put things right…


	2. Chapter 2

By the time I felt more human it was gone noon. I thought about calling Barbara but decided against it. She was already annoyed with me, I really would be sticking my hand in the hornet’s nest if I disturbed her trying to catch up on her sleep. No, I could wait until Sunday before making contact; hopefully she would have calmed down by then.

As I sat on my couch sipping coffee I tried to remember what I had done the night before. I didn’t remember anything after arriving at the pub and ordering my first drink. Barbara had said something about me having a rather revealing heart to heart with a stranger, something I couldn’t understand as I didn’t normally strike up a conversation with someone I didn’t know unless it was to do with my job or my life as an earl. The way Barbara had reacted led me to believe that I had either been rude or indiscreet, and that upset me because I wouldn’t deliberately hurt or offend her for the world…

I’d come home with the intention of going straight to bed, but sleep wouldn’t come. I hadn’t been strictly honest with Tommy when I’d told him why I’d stayed. Yes, I had been concerned about him, but it was more that sitting up with him had given me time to think about what I had heard. I wasn’t offended, far from it, but I would rather have heard it straight from him when he wasn’t completely pissed up. Then again, in vino veritas and all that.

Sighing deeply, I retrieved my phone and tapped out a text; _‘how’s the hangover?’_ My finger hovered above send, unsure if I was ready to open this particular can of worms but not really wanting our first post-incident interaction to be at work on Monday.

“Woman up Barbara, for god’s sake! What’s the worst that can happen?”

The little demon on my shoulder piped up with a few suggestions as to exactly what the worst that could happen might turn out to be, but I tuned it out and hit send anyway. The deed was done, now all I could do was wait and hope…

I was hunting through my fridge for something that my stomach wouldn’t rebel against when my phone beeped. Fishing it from my pocket, I smiled when I saw the alert, relieved that whatever was bothering Barbara, she was still talking to me.

_‘Better than it was. Did you get any sleep?’_

The reply was almost instantaneous, _‘no, my stomach kept me awake… I missed dinner, breakfast, and lunch!’_. Wincing, I took the hint and held out an olive branch, _‘can I treat you to an early dinner to say thank you for watching over me last night?’_. I sent the message and then held my breath, awaiting her reply…

I grinned broadly as I read his message, food and drink had always played a big part in our friendship, and we had spent many hours dissecting cases, resolving disagreements, or bitching about our ineffectual leaders and their love of red tape over a pie and a pint. I didn’t have to think twice.

_‘When have I ever turned down food… especially if you’re paying! Shall I come and pick you up?’_

_‘Probably for the best… see you in an hour?’_

_‘An hour? I’ll be there in twenty minutes, bring your wallet!’_

The only response to that was a laughing emoji. I wondered if we'd still be laughing after dinner; I prayed that we would...


	3. Chapter 3

We hadn’t spoken much on the journey other than to say hello and agree where to go. Now we were sitting at a table waiting for our food.

“I’m sorry if I was crass last night. I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you.”

“I know.”

All of Barbara’s focus seemed to be taken up with peeling the label from her beer bottle, her reply sounding off-hand and a little dismissive.

“Please look at me Barbara.”

She sighed, but did as I requested.

“I don’t know what I did last night, I wish I could remember because whatever I did seems to have upset you. Tell me how I can put things right?”

“You didn’t upset me.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Can we just lea…” her voice tailed off as our food arrived. We both remained silent until the waitress moved away.

“We can’t leave it.”

“We can if I refuse to discuss it. You promised me dinner, so if you don’t mind I’d like to eat it without a post mortem about last night’s events.”

I knew when to shut up.

We ate in silence for what seemed like hours, but eventually Barbara spoke.

“You didn’t upset me.”

“Then what did I do to make you seem so irritated?”

“I overheard a conversation that shocked me, that’s all.”

“Something I said?”

“Yes.”

“I honestly can’t remember anything past ordering my first drink. You said I had a heart to heart with a stranger.”

“You did.”

“And it was something in that conversation that upset you?”

“I told you, you didn’t upset me.”

I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing the irritating lock that always fell over my eye back off my face.

“Just tell me. Please.”

“Apparently you know for certain that, while I care for you, it’s not enough for me to see past your title and your money and to love you as much as you love me.”

My blood ran cold. “Barbara, I…” 

She stunned me by pressing a finger to my lips. “Don’t.”

“But…”

Her finger pressed harder. “I said don’t. You got to have your say last night. You pushed for me to tell you what happened so now it’s my turn to speak and your turn to sit and listen. I do love you, and I have done for a very long time, probably longer than I should have, but I always took care to make sure that you wouldn’t find out as I couldn’t see how you would ever feel that way about me. I thought you saw me as a sister, nothing more. It was a shock to hear that you shared the love I kept locked away in my heart.”

“You love me?”

“I do.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me what you overheard when I asked you this morning?”

“Honestly? I needed time to think. I spent the whole night watching you sleep, going over and over what I had heard and your reaction to my reaction.”

“So, there’s more than you’re telling me?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I got cross with you, no change there, because you stuck by your assertion that I only loved you as a friend even when I told you that I had feelings for you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What? For not believing I could love you as much as you say you love me, or for letting me know just how deeply you care?”

“For dismissing your feelings. For acting like a complete ponce.”

“I’m used to that.”

The smile on her face softened her words.

“You are, far too used to it, and yet you love me?”

She reached across the table and took my hand, “how could I not? It’s always been you and me, even from our very first case in Yorkshire. I don’t understand why we work, or how, all I do know is that we do. I can’t imagine not having you in my life. To lose you would destroy me.”

“I feel the same way.”

“I know you do.”

“Where do we go from here?”

“We finish our meals, have some dessert, and then we go back to yours for coffee.”

“And?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see…”


	4. Chapter 4

I put the mug of coffee down in front of Barbara and then took a seat in the armchair opposite her. She took a sip and then grinned at me.

“Relax. You look like you expect me to lunge across the room and rip your throat out.”

I laughed nervously, “sorry.”

“And don’t apologise. Surely I’m not that scary?”

“No, you’re not. It’s the situation.”

Her eyes went wide. “So, us loving each other is a scary situation?”

I moved to her side, desperate to reassure her. “No, definitely not. It’s just there’s so much at stake here, and I’m terrified that I’m going to do the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing, and then muck everything up.”

“You’d rather not try?”

I caressed her face, relieved when she covered my hand with her own.

“No, I want this. I want you. I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember. This, us, it’s the most important thing in the world to me. You are the most important person to me. I’d do anything for you, anything.”

“No relationship comes with a guarantee Tommy.” 

My heart stumbled in my chest at the sound of my name from her lips, and I moved closer to her, capturing her face between my palms.

“Say it again.”

“What?

“My name. Say it again.”

“Tommy.”

“Again.”

“Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.”

I lowered my head and gently brushed my lips against hers, sighing contentedly as her arms slid around my waist.

“Still terrified?”

“A little.”

“Would kissing me again help?”

“Definitely.”

“You’d better kiss me then.”

I didn’t need to be asked a second time…

…I woke to find myself naked in Tommy’s arms. Where once I would have panicked I instead snuggled closer, gently drawing circles around his left nipple with my index finger. Tommy’s eyes flickered open and he smiled sleepily at me.

“It wasn’t a dream.”

“You’ve been dreaming about me?”

“Regularly, but they never ended with me waking to find you in my arms.”

I moved so that I could sit astride him, lowering myself down onto his erect member and smiling as he closed his eyes, an expression of bliss crossing his face. “Did they feature me doing this?”

“Yes, god yes.”

Slowly, I began to move. “And this?”

His eyes flew open, his gaze capturing mine. Nodding, his hands moved to my hips, his fingers branding my skin with their caress.

“I love you Barbara Havers.”

I leant forward, my hands braced on his chest, my voice a whisper.

“Tommy Lynley, I love you too…”


	5. Chapter 5

I collapsed back against the pillows, my heart racing, my breathing heavy. “I’m never going to get tired of doing this.”

Barbara playfully slapped me, “I should hope not, it’s the first night of our honeymoon!”

“Ow! That wasn’t what I meant.”

“What did you mean then?” A smile softened her words.

“Making love with you, it’s different.”

“I’m sure we have the same bits and pieces, and that those bits and pieces can only fit together in a set number of ways…”

“Barbara!”

“Don’t you Barbara me. Explain to me how it is different for you, and I’ll tell you why it is different for me.”

“It is?”

“Well, not that I have that much to compare it with, but yes, it is different. And that’s all I’m telling you until you explain, so spill.”

“I think you’ll find I just did.”

Her face screwed up in disgust. “Tommy! Really!”

“What can I say, you’ve rubbed off on me more than I thought.”

“Oh god, I’ve corrupted an earl! What on earth is your mother going to think?”

“Honestly, I don’t much care, and that’s not because I’m angry with her, it’s because for the first time in my life I’m happy. Being with you, the connection we have, it enhances every experience I share with you. It’s like we somehow merge together, become one entity. I don’t know how to put it into words, how to do what I feel justice, all I do know is that you reach me in ways I have never felt before.”

Propping herself up on her elbow she reached out, stroking my hair. “That’s how it is for me, that’s exactly how it is for me. Ever since we were partnered together there’s been more to us than just colleagues or friends. We connected in a way that I don’t think either of us expected, and it has been the making of us. The love I feel for you, it’s all encompassing.”

“Webberley would throw an absolute fit if he could see us now.”

“Webberley hated both of us. He used us for his own ends, thinking that we wouldn’t dare step out of line. But I don’t want to think about him while I’m lying in bed with my gorgeous husband.”

“What do you want to think about then?”

“Hmmm, let me see.” She began to walk her fingers down my chest.

“I think I know where this is headed.”

“Oh, you do, do you?” Her hand moved lower.

“I think so.”

“Care to share?”

“Ye…” my voice died in my throat as she began to stroke me.

“You were saying something?”

I shook my head, totally consumed by what she was doing.

“I’m sure you were saying something.”

I shook my head again, and then gasped as her hot, wet mouth replaced her hand. Rational thought left me, and I surrendered completely to her ministrations.


End file.
